Berlin, Germany. 10th - 13th September  2012.

After the nightmare of nature that was that last hostel we decided to do the sensible thing and just camp indoors. No nature, no privacy, no problem. It was like the Inception of holidays (without DiCaprio, Hardy or Page); rooms within rooms.

We opted for a cabin over the smaller caravans and even got our own decking where you could sit and read whilst other people watched. Trips to the shower room were made more exciting by the fact if you accidentally dropped your towel, everyone could get a good look at the goods on offer.

The most realistic part of the experience was the sounds. Through the thin wooden shed walls all could be heard, flushing of toilets, people getting out of bed in the morning and next-door-but-one snoring, the real camping experience without the hassle of nature.

Berlin, Germany. 6th - 10th September  2012.

Trees, trees and more trees. That was all that could be seen from our ground floor hostel room. And although inside was clean and nature-free the same could not be said for the outside. Tree after tree after tree for miles around, with no sign of a 24hr store, drunk people vomiting or emergency vehicle sirens blaring, it was awful.

And when the trees did stop it was only for a freshwater lake, where if you were willing to brave getting Pontiac fever or Dracunculiasis you could take a dip. And if you were really brave, do it with no clothes on (have a swim that is, not the other thing you were thinking. God, some people’s filthy minds…). 

All in all, I got more mud on me than I would have liked, didn’t have any fast-food for like the whole time I was there and missed the smell of a bus exhaust.

TL;DR I don’t like nature

Bromley, UK. 11th June 2012.

I have so little to say about this view/hotel.

York, UK. 4th June 2012.

Being slightly out of  the city centre the view was not spoilt by having to look at some old, crumbly fortifications or wobbly Tudor houses in narrow streets. Instead we had the crisp straight lines of modern town houses and a car park.

The room was a disabled access room meaning it was very large, with little furniture in it. The bathroom was one big wet room, with a sink that was (for me) uncomfortably low to use. But if I had have hurt my back and collapsed to the floor, at least I could have got help by using the emergency pull switches.

Carlisle, UK. 2nd May 2012.

The final stop for this four day trip was Carlisle. The hotel was out of the town centre, situated on a very busy main road. However the room was quiet due to the amount of glass that had been installed.

I’m quite happy with the timing of my picture because if you look closely you can almost make out the the HGV driver looking at me. Mind you I was in some state of undress, as is normal in a hotel room, so i don’t blame him for looking. I hope he didn’t crash shortly after (I wouldn’t have heard if he did due to the glass), but all that wood would burn for ages…

This hotel may not be as posh as the previous one but I did get a 4-poster bed and the bathroom was clad in black faux-marble. And by faux-marble I mean plastic made to look a bit like marble. Black seems a strange colour choice that made the bathroom very dark and only slightly more classy looking.

Another plus point: Plug sockets by the bed!

Ayr, Scotland, UK. 1st May 2012.

Another day in Scotland, another hotel. Upon arrival this one was a bit fancier than I’m used to, I don’t think I’ve ever stayed anywhere with Valet Parking (we didn’t use this service) or a fountain at the front. The room is large and everything is leather bound and looks posh, the same could be said about the view (posh, not leather bound).

Looking beyond the carrier bag laced barbed wire and the blue security gate is what looks like a dull yard, but think again! This is in fact the temporary home of the poshest animal of them all, the race horse, before (and hopefully after) they are forced to run and mercilessly whipped for thirteen furlongs around Ayr Racecourse.

Despite the large room, the bathroom is fairly cramped, the toilet is to close to the wall/ heated towel rail and the shower to close to the screen. But there is a set of bathroom scales for the weight conscious traveler.

There are no plugs by the bed today… I’m not as bothered as I’d normally be, I’m just going to hang out in my complimentary dressing gown/slippers.

Stirling, Scotland, UK. 30th April 2012.

A rare set of events has led me to be writing this blog post whilst actually sat in the room in which I’m writing about and not 2 weeks later sat in my bedroom with only half memories of the hotel in question. Firstly getting to the hotel in reasonable time, secondly a decent free WiFi connection and thirdly I remembered my camera!

The view is mostly an obstructed one, with a large Scot’s pine placed right in the centre of the window. The lawn is well kept, as is the fence surrounding the hotel grounds. But I can hear say: “I don’t care about the lawn! What the hell is that on the window ledge?!” Well let me try and clear it up for you. 

It is in fact a pot that used to contain Fizzy Cola Bottles distributed by the good people at Tubz. On the side of their cylindrical tube of sugary goodness they ask “What’s in yours?” a question that on the face of it seems pointless; it tells you right there on the top, also what sort of haphazard confectionery company is this that doesn’t know what they’re packaging… But in this case the question is justified because I doubt they would ever guess that the answer would be “Scottish rain water”!

The redeeming feature of this room is shown in the third picture; a plug socket next to the bed! This made me a lot happier than it should but I won’t have to get out of bed to switch my alarm off in the morning like I normally do when staying in hotels.

So despite the blocked view and the strangely placed litter, I would consider this a good room!

Sutton Coalfield, UK. 6th - 8th March 2012.

After forgetting to pick up my camera, as well as half of the kit I needed to actually do work, my low res, complete with cracked-cover-so-auto-focus-doesn’t-work  phone-camera had to play stand in.

You may not be able to tell but the image above isn’t actually a photo, not even a low quality phone-camera photo. It is in fact a drawing of the view from my room. Two weeks after the visit. From memory. My phone has since decided to fry my SD card thus losing all content. But I needed a new post so out came the lined paper and the Biro(TM). 

I can sort of remember there being many buildings that made up the hotel and a couple were joined by a first floor bridge with a tunnel underneath. There were also several trees and maybe a bush or two. In the distance were some tall buildings and possibly a chimney. But who knows cause I wasn’t really paying attention, that was my phones job, which has since been “relieved of it’s duties”.

I do remember the excellent generic art work on the wall of the room. I think they were leaves although they looked like very thin bananas. The same picture was in several of the rooms, so I’m assuming they were not originals/ worth nicking.

Next time I’ll endevor to remember to pick up everything I need.

Brighton, UK. 25th February 2012.

From the basement of the hostel where I shared a room with 13 others, the morning light shone beautifully through the frosted glass/ regulation one-way fire door.

The flower patterned frost effect was simply glorious and a nice reminder that summer is just around the corner.

Light changing shower at the CitizenM hotel Glasgow, UK. 24th January 2012